Friday, 1 July 2016

Dear Diary: Finding Yourself


Friendships are difficult. Any sort of relationship is difficult. But I feel friendships hold a special place in our heart.

In my mind, friendship breakups are worse than actual breakups. When you break up with a partner, you turn to your friends. When you drift from a close friend, who do you turn to?

The older I get, the more I'm realising how much I'm changing as a person. I've gone from someone who never spoke up, was always the quiet one to someone who makes her own mind up and forms her own opinions. I believe a lot of that is down to my mental health.

My anxiety caused me to lose a lot of friends, both online and offline but it allowed me to find myself. Yes, I spent most days indoors on my own, but I truly believe I'm a better person now because of it. I had no opinions to be influenced by, I wasn't caught up in toxic drama, I was left to my own devices.

I feel I have a much more positive outlook on life now. If things get bad, they will pass, it's just a stepping stone. Sure, I struggle with my mental health on a daily basis, but I know how to control it. I'm a strong person and one thing is certain, I will never depend on someone so much that my moods and emotions are because of them.

As I left my teens and entered my twenties, I learnt a lot about confrontation. I was a really argumentative person growing up, god knows why. I look back now and I'm like "who was that?". I don't care for negative people or drama. I'm over all this bitchiness and back biting (a lot of which I still see in the blogging community). Share opinions by all means, but don't slam someone else's just because you don't agree with it.

All I'm saying is don't jump on the bandwagon. You do you and be yourself.

So hello, my name is Kathryn and these are my rambles that have little to no context. Have a nice day.

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27 comments

  1. I completely agree! Im 24 and I don't have a huge group of friends but a couple of close ones, since blogging I have definitely made friends and some I talk to on a daily basis. xx

    Emmy | EmmysBeautyCave | Bloglovin

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    1. Me too! Blogging friends are the best ones to have, considering it takes up such a huge part of your life haha. x

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  2. I struggle with anxiety and right now it's at the point where it's terrifying to leave the house - it can leave me feeling so frustrated, why can't my head just click? But that's where blogging helps, makes me feel less alone. Thank-you for this xxx

    Bumble and Be

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    1. That's the very same reason I started blogging too, it helps me escape from all my anxieties. Best decision ever. x

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  3. Personally, I don't have anxiety but I do know that I don't belong to any of the cool kids. But as I'm growing, not having much friends leaves a big hole in me. Having a relationship is not as same as having a friendship and it hurts me every time when I don't have someone to turn to. Thank you for making this post. Well, at least we know that we are not alone. xx

    Janeautelegance.wordpress.com

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    1. I totally understand. I'm only a message away if you'd like someone to talk to! :) x

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  4. I am 23 and I have two people (excluding online friends) who I consider my friends. But they are such amazing people that I feel that I have a million friends in those two, all three of us suffer with anxiety so I'm lucky to have people who understand and support me. This was such a beautiful post,thank you for sharing!

    Ella xx
    www.inellaselement

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    1. Aw that's wonderful. Sometimes a few real friends is all you need. x

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  5. Great post, lovely! Well written and thought through. Some times if you find negativity find you, often it is because you are the cause of it. Reflecting and changing is one the way to lead life!
    Angie | Chocolate & Lipstick | Beauty, Fashion & Lifestyle Blog

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    1. Thank you lovely. I totally agree, since I rid my life of a few individuals I felt free, and positive? Like, it was so clear that they were dragging me down. But anyway, onwards and upwards! x

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  6. Aw I love these little posts! I feel like I am in a very similar situation I battle with my mental health and loneliness on a daily basis. I find it hard to leave my house and make friends. But I know that this won't last forever and hopefully one day I will feel a lot more confident going out and having brunch with lots of amazing bloggers like yourself xx

    Thrifty vintage fashion

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    1. I'm the same lovely. If we lived closer I would totally come and have brunch with you, one day gal! x

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  7. Lovely post. I completely agree that it is completely unnecessary to slate other people opinion - we don't all have to be the same otherwise this would be a very boring world!

    mybeautyandbrownies.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you. You're very right, I really don't understand it. x

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  8. Really enjoyed this. It's true that friendships will fall apart sometimes and it often is sadder than a relationship breakup! But we do all change and grow and we can't stay the same forever - the change is far more often for the better anyway. Hope this reaches you feeling good :)
    Rebecca | Notes From September

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    1. Aw thank you! Yep, you're right. I think you learn as you grow up and realise that if someone doesn't want to be in your life, just let them go. x

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  9. Very well said, I especially like the part about opinions at the end there. I spent the last two years by myself most of the time too as I was signed off work, so I learnt a lot about myself, my emotions and mental health, and I also learnt a lot about the people around me and what I really look for in people and friendships! I love what you said about how bad days are a stepping stone too - I relate to this so much. I've learned that they'll pass and things will get better again and it's just a case of getting through it!

    Amanda Jayne | beauty, style, life

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    1. Aw thank you lovely. I'm so glad you enjoyed and could relate. x

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  10. I love how honest you are in this post. After I switched schools, I felt like I was alone and that no one wanted to talk to me. But once I found myself, and I was confident with who I am, the best people started to come to me. I love this post, and it put a smile on my face! :)

    http://wanderlustgirl-kb.blogspot.ca

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    1. Thank you! That's so true, once you stop caring about everyone else and focus on you, you realise that hey... Things will slot into place. x

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  11. I love your little rambles, they are always so on point. I always mute/ignore/remove any negative or argumentative people. You always seem really positive :) I'm glad you are getting a control on your mental health. You are such a lovely one xxxxx

    Chloe | Mojichlo xxx

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    1. Hahaha I'm glad someone likes my rambles! This was the sweetest comment, love you lots. x

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  12. I completely agree with every word. Friendships are difficult and I would say that I don't particularly have any friends who I can turn to and talk about daily rants or what's happening in each others lives. I feel so alone but at the same time having such a lovely online community makes everything ten million times better! :) xx

    Yasmina | The July Journal

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    1. I agree. I spend most of my days inside alone, but having my blog and the Twitter community there really allows me to feel like I'm doing something worthwhile! x

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  13. I love this post! I definitely agree with you, friendships are complicated no matter what age you are. I firmly believe that as we get older we realize it is more about quality than quantity. You hit it right on the nail when you said losing some friends helped you find yourself, it really does.

    I wrote a similar blog post about Friendships just a few days ago if you want to check it out! :)
    http://herdaringthoughts.blogspot.com/2016/07/friendships-quality-vs-quantity.html

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    1. Thank you! I feel like when you lose someone, once the initial sadness is over, you realise what's important in life - and that's yourself.
      I will definitely have a read of your post. x

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  14. I so agree with you I don't gave alot of friends just a few and they are amazing people not scared to just be honest and say the truth instead if bring a hypoctite, drama is totally not me, I'm an introvert so I'm mostly at home I want to go out more and do more but it's a little hard especially being ashy person.
    Again lovely post have a great day
    www.mssparkleandglow.com
    Would live it if you could check my blog out and follow me

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